To Love a Soldier

Recently, I have been around a lot of military men. My brother-in-law went off to basic training this January, the couple I live with has 2 sons in military, and my new best friend also has a little brother and father in the military.
Being single and finding men in uniform intriguingly attractive, I began asking my friend what it was like dating army men, having an army dad and brother, and what it was like for her mom. She said, basically, the good-byes never get easier, the distance  never seems smaller, but for some the love never dims.

 I started thinking to myself if I would be able to do that. If I could date and be married to a man who would be deployed for months on end, no guarantee of any contact. I think of myself lying in bed, the kids all tucked in for the night, wishing with all my heart that when I roll over, I will be face to face with the man I love. But it's just me in a king size bed, all alone. Being so close to someone, to love and care for someone so much that I married him but now he's away, doing work and fighting wars.

In your single years you battle loneliness like it's a never ending cold. Being married to an army man... in your heart you're not alone, you're one half of a whole, but he's not with you. It's a whole different level of loneliness because you're not just sitting alone at your desk anymore. You're at a table for two staring at the empty chair knowing exactly who would fill it if only they could be here with you.

As I thought about this feeling, I felt familiar with it. Like I have felt this way before. Then I realized what it was.
Jesus came and stole my heart and vowed through sickness and health, poverty and riches, he would be there. 'Til death do us...cleave. It's like I'm engaged to a man at war! He is waiting for me. As I toil through my life here on earth, he's with me in my heart. He's fighting for me. Although I can't see him and so often I don't even hear from him, I know he loves me and I love him.

 Our wedding day will be the day the war is won. When I can finally be with him completely. You know how Paul says "To live is Christ, and to die is gain." it's like... to live as God's betrothed, to be the army wife, it's all for him. The loneliness, the pains, and the small victories, it is all because I love my Man at war. To die is gain, the war within is won. When I die I will FINALLY be with my Man, my Love, his battle will be won and we can be home, together.

Oh! How I long for the day I will audibly hear his loving voice and physically feel his arms wrapped around me and see his beautiful face! To know that every hint of the threat of loneliness is completely banished forever. To be with my Love! To die would indeed be gain. But I'm here, on earth, alive. And that is no small sacrifice. I will strive to live as a dedicated army wife. Help raise his family, the kingdom of God, and stay true and faithful to him until the day when we will be together at last and forever.

Thank you all who serve our country. The sacrifices you have made are a testament to your heart and dedication. And thank you to all who love and are committed to those who are serving. Your decision and faithfulness have not gone unnoticed. 

The Greatest Question

What if all your games, all your books, your tv shows and sports, what if all that was taken away? What would you do? "Be bored out of my mind" most would answer. But in truth, you'd be bored INTO your mind.

That sounds strange but think about it. What is left once all convenience and entertainment is removed? Nothing but you and your own thoughts. So when we get bored it's nothing more than fear or lack of curiosity to discover the depths of ourselves.

So often I find myself cranking up the music while driving or falling asleep to the tv, not so much because I enjoy it, but because I don't want to be alone with myself. If I'm never alone with myself, how will I ever know who I am or what I feel?
Emotions are strong. There's no denying that. How much more important is it then that we understand ourselves?

I just imagine the unexplored minds of the people around me. There are geniuses among us but we never find them because they never took the time to dig their well of personality. Instead they sit satisfied playing Madden or reading Sherlock Holmes or watching Pretty Little Liars. They sit there completely blind to the inward beauty of the human mind because they're too afraid to be alone with themselves.
Oh the adventures and mysteries within you! Will you willingly lay idle when such a treasure waits to be found?

Don't know where to start? Here, right now, start asking yourself "why?". Why do I enjoy this? Why do I get the butterflies in my stomach when he looks me in the eye? Why is that funny? Why does it hurt?

Why... it's the beginning to all the greatest questions in life.

What is It You Seek?

What is happiness? It's what we all are searching for, the thing that gets me is that we seem to know what we're searching for. Do you know what happiness looks like? Well, I felt God wanted me to find that out. Find out what it means to be happy and what other people think it means to be happy. I devised a few questions and started asking. 

How to be Happy: Barbra

I wish I had taken notes as this lovely woman answered my questions!

Barbra is an older woman who has spent the entirety of the last 3 years in bed.

“The only time I get out of bed is when the EMTs roll me onto their canvas and carry me out.” She has mitochondrial disease, a genetic disorder she was born with. She said when she was younger it showed itself mostly with muscle disease and as she got older she had to be fed through a tube. “I don’t eat any food anymore.” She said. And about 3 years ago her bones began to break. She said in a very short period she had over 15 fractures: back, ankles, wrists, she’s now confined to her bed. But this woman radiates happiness, “joy” as she calls it.

I started with asking her what makes her happy, what gives her joy in life. 

Even if I’d taken notes I wouldn't have been able to write it all down! “Friends, seeing people create things, a new bird at the bird feeder...” And the list goes on. She could probably list a million beautiful things she sees and experiences just from where she lays on her bed. Finding the beauty in the little things, she mentioned, is an important gift. 

How many times do you have these joyful moments a week? 

“All the time! I couldn't count them!” she said with a grin and a throw of her hand. All the time. I answered these questions myself and said a max of 4 times a week! But this woman whose entire world consists of her bedroom says she can’t even count how many times she’s happy in a week.

Can you find this “joy” in tough times? You’ve had your fair share, more than most people.

 She lovingly rebuked me, saying everyone has their own pains. She said how blessed she was for having people around her. “Without my friends, family, and church family, I’m not sure what I would have done. It would have been much harder.” And she said she looks to her Lord for her needs. She had a friend who made a list of Bible verses that were about fear, “Antidotes for fear” she called them. She read them every night and after awhile she said they became a part of her thinking. And how that effected her was huge.

How do you suggest creating more happy moments in your life?

She told me a story of an “ah-ha” moment she had when she was my age. She was in a really troubling time and just down in the dumps. “I was in the line to get food in the cafeteria,” she said, “When I heard two boys behind me. One said basically ‘if you want to be happy you have to learn to give to people’”. She told stories of her different caregivers who’d come in with their own problems and sometimes would just sit and talk to her “I guess ‘cause they figured they had a captive audience,” she laughed. She said when you’re more aware of your mortality it opens your eyes to a lot of things. She realized one day that sometimes it’s her job to help the people that come through her door. “If they leave here feeling better, having a good day, then I feel happy.” She feels like she has purpose in life when she helps others in whatever ways she can. You can’t really separate a feeling of purpose in life, from happiness. Over all she said to be happy you have to make an effort to make people happy, to think about someone besides yourself, to help people. Interestingly enough I got the same response from a friend when asked these questions and I myself as well answered “Invest more in people”.

I really do wish I had recorded or at least taken notes of the conversation I had with this woman. She is truly inspirational. She can’t even eat food anymore and she has more happy moments in a week than I do, is that not challenging or what?

Lesson Number One: Love People.