#fail

I don't know what it is but as I look around at my stuff and my life in general, all I see are my failures. Everytime I think I've got it handled, when I think I'm finally to the point where I can stand on my own two feet, the ground crumbles beneath me. I'm back to panic and stress. I don't think I've ever felt so useless in all my life.
Everything for me right now is "I can't." I can't feed myself. I can't move back in with my parents. I can't keep a normal job without stressing to the max. I can't find love. I can't lose weight. I can't make art. I can't buy a new car. And I can't fix the one I've got. I can't live alone but I can't find people I can live with. I can't convince the one person I love to love me back. I can't be enough of a friend. I can't adult. I can't sleep. I can't work. I can't keep a fucking plant alive. I can't function!
I'll never stop failing at life, but I wish I could fail at just a bit fewer things all at once...

Red, Yellow, and Black

I will destroy you.
If you don't walk away now, you will be nothing but a broken shell of a man unable to stand when this is all over.
I have the power to change you. You will want me more than your own life. Daily you will choose me over your dreams. Day 3 of our relationship, I knew you would starve yourself to be with me.

I tried to warn you. I told you I didn't want to wreck your world by becoming a priority in it.  But you insisted it wouldn't be an issue.
But I feel it.

I feel the deep, horrifying darkness that follows us in our delight. This haunting knowledge that I control you, even beyond your consciousness. You are putty in my fingers for me to mold into whatever brings me pleasure.
I know how to make you feel happy, in love even, but it isn't real. It's me taking advantage of this curious power I have over you.

You don't believe me, I'm not sure you ever will. But I can't watch you die by my own hand.

Red is selfish,
Yellow is initiative,
Black is control.

To love me is suicide.