I don't have a passion.
Well, not a normal one at least. For most people it's teaching, or music, or art, or math, or planes, or plants, acting, parenting, planning, traveling, cars, food. People love things; video games and snow boarding, museums, coffee, parties, shopping, books, movies, sports.
I don't. I mean I enjoy almost everything. I can find something to love in almost everything that I do. If not love it I can still find it interesting and enjoyable to some degree. And I mean I do have my hobbies I guess. Painting and drawing and fixing things and working with animals and my ukulele. But nothing that I am just absolutely crazy about and skilled in.
This creates kind of a directionless life. I don't have anything that I just HAVE to do. Nothing I'm dying to work towards. It also makes me feel lame, honestly. People are nerding out about their favorite things and I'm over here like "Yeah, those are cool things..." I guess I don't have anything I really nerd out about. Well, I do, but when I nerd out about it... it's a little weird.
My passion, the thing I nerd out about is: people.
I love people. They are fascinating and entertaining and complex. People love doing things and I love that they love doing those things! I love listening to people tell stories or drawing out their thoughts with questions that normal people don't ask. I can't play video games to save my life but I love watching my friends play. I don't have very many of my own dreams that I want to fulfill but I love making even the smallest, stupidest dreams come true. I love helping and encouraging people to do the things they wouldn't normally do or won't do alone. I'm an advocate for doing what's on your mind.
You say you want to drive to Canada? Done. We'll go next fall. You want to start a curling team? I'v got jerseys designed. Practice starts next week. You want to learn a new instrument? I will probably buy said instrument or continually remind you that you want it until you get it and I will happily welcome you into my hypothetical band. You want a milkshake at 3am? I'll be darned if I don't find some place open, near-by. (To whom it may concern: with this mentality, I am the WORST person to shop with.) If you don't know what the heck you want? Let's talk. I bet we can figure it out pretty quick, and I will do what I can to help you attain it. It's what I do.
This completely changes my take on life. I'm a dream catcher. I'm the person who says "why the heck not?" and "let's do it!". I live to help other people live life to the fullest. The majority of this year I was around very few people. I was deep in depression because of it. Nearly no friends, not meeting new people often enough, I had no dreams to catch, to goals to reach. I couldn't understand why I couldn't just be happy and alone. Why couldn't I just read more, or practice painting, or play ukulele and thrive as a human being? I'm doing what I thought I loved! But living for me, just doesn't cut it.
I'm generally uninteresting. As a person I'm very average. I mean, I don't have any real interests! So what was I supposed to do with so few humans in my life? Well, I don't know. Lol. I'm still figuring that out. But! Now I understand why I deal with depression even when I'm doing nothing but what I love. A step closer to learning how to live my own life to its fullest. Yay, for learning new things about myself!
